Existentialism (w/Karim)

Karim recently approached me with an idea for an article about existentialism. He said he wanted to question why humans are so narcissistic and the point in existence. Some light topics, right!

So, I took up the challenge to talk about my own experience, in response to Karim’s, given that I love myself so much. And I wrote this article because hey, as French philosopher and existentialist, Albert Camus said, “the literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself”. Given that I’m still alive, hopefully this discussion will give insight into the real Karim and teach you about existentialism.

What made you think about narcissism and existentialism as topics to discuss?

“What made me think of this was my little anger attacks which I hide within myself. I am so angry and hypocritical that I get angry at the smallest things. [I usually keep it to myself] until it builds up and causes something bad to happen”.

What type of things do you get angry about?

“I get angry at stupid stuff…it can range from ‘why I like this person more than they like me?’ to ‘why does this person act this way?’

What makes me angry is how narcissistic I am. I want people to be real [when I hardly ever am]”.

Do you think that everyone feels like this and has their internal troubles and concerns?

“I believe everyone is concerned for themselves but the way people manifest it is different. For example, some people are so obsessed with themselves that other people’s problems and thoughts become a joke reality. You are only ever concerned…when it affects you”.

How does this manifest itself in you?

“I hate myself…[so] sometimes I negatively affect people to feel better. I’m broken inside…[so] I try to fix it with comedy and making people happy. I put up with a personality for so long that it’s the only thing I have and I know it’s not the real me but it’s what I need for now”.

Why do you hate yourself?

“Why I hate myself? Well, that has a million answers, but one of them is my character. One thing that has happened throughout my whole life is losing myself. The reason why I hate myself is because I don’t even know who myself is [especially when I can’t uphold morals and ideas that I have of myself]”.

I would have never known that you felt this way, looking from the outside. 

“That’s the thing right! You didn’t think I was narcissistic because I’ve been playing Karim so well! I might come across as a careless clown who smiles all the time and loves life. But no”.

Do you think that you can change your character or at least your approach?

“We hardly ever change. Doesn’t meant it can’t happen though!

To anyone else out there that isn’t fully comfortable or satisfied within themselves, whether that be their character or their physical appearance, be patient! It’s okay to allow yourself time to wallow in your self-pity or self-hatred…for a while. Just don’t leave it too long because I feel like you dig yourself a deeper hole. Be kind!”

This conversation prompted me to reflect on myself as I learnt about the real Karim. I did my own research on existentialism, helping me to respond to Karim’s answers:

Xaymaca Awoyungbo

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